New update

It's not a new year new me post folks. ( I am sorry 'bout that if you ever expect for this ) I didn't change much, Still the Joaan that you used to know. Currently I am listening to Ed Sheeran while writing this post when I should have focusing on my test on tomorrow ( Well whatever ) . I didn't expect much either on this year cause my year starts with my final exams ._. That is depressing people. Serious. You can't even go out with a peaceful mind. People countdown for the new year but I countdown for my finals. It's alright cause tomorrow will be the last day of my test ( Hooray! ) . Been looking very dead recently due to finals, my hair's curls all gone. Hair treatment needed. Been away from my nest for some weeks. I miss my family :( Emotional bitch haha .


Tired of everything right now. Studies and people. I don't know why , seems like I've lose the skills in communicating with people. I am tired to talk to them. I am tired to entertain them. It's a tiring job to do. To maintain the reputation of yours, you have to mask yourself, smile more, even to those bitches you hate. It's tiring to make people laugh while you're bleeding inside. I am useless most the time, honestly I lost my ability to make people happy. Am I too selfish ? Keep all my feelings to myself, not willing to share to anyone, not even the people I am close to. I admit I keep secrets. A lot. Typical Gemini perhaps. But lately I have been letting out my inner demons to play,to fool and to hurt people. Cause I thought that they wouldn't mind playing along with them, since it's harmless. Until they pissed them off. I couldn't control them. I let them hurt them. My biggest mistake ever. To trust them completely. And now, I am going to take a long cold shower, to clear my messy mind, to figure out how things work. Without me hurting people. And I shall keep my emotional side to myself, putting my mask on. Like the old days. Been misbehave a lot lately. Too clingy I suppose. Too clingy to the person I loved the most. My attitude changed. Changed to the real attitude that I used to have. And I shall change it back. Back to the attitude where people like it, without making them cry inside. In a nutshell, I lose myself. Deep inside my heart. I am lost.

Thus this is a new year old me post people.