Silly fights. Silly couple. Silly me.

I'm not good in treating people well thru my actions. I'm dumb and stuborn sometimes. ( or most the time ) I mean I did care, I actually care, it's just that the way I show my concern and my love are different from others. My way of concerning or loving people is sort of .... Harsh. I hurt their feelings when I show my concerns or love. I don't know why I being such a bitch all the time, never think before I speak, until I made them feel fed up then I realized my mistake. And yeah regrets like hell ( which is what I'm currently doing at the moment ) He showed his concern and love yes, and yes I did appreciate it, but I ended up taking it for granted. I should have just stfu and listen and accept his ideas. I should've just obey him. Petrol isn't a big deal for him. He wanted to meet you so bad and what you did ? You hurt him. Yeah stuborn girls hard to change. Well now I made him went to bed mad or sad or speechless. Well done Joaan. You did a great job. You made him worried about you the whole day some more. You felt that as well right ? Fucking hurtful right ? That was how he literally felt during that moment. He is going to have a great day ahead but you just freaking ruined it. TQVM. And now you feel even worse. Serve you right Joaan. This is how you should treat your partner ? 

When it comes to you I get emotional easily. So you're going to water park with friends tomorrow ? Hmmm okay cool ! Have fun there ! ❤️ After few moments, I thought of something else. A trip to water park day. Water park. Friends. Fun. Swimsuit. Swimming trunk. Wait .. Fuck what ? HELL NO.  I literally burst into tears when you said you going to wear the swimming trunk. I know why. I can't bear to let others to look at your body. Selfish SIAL. Then I held back my tears. It stoped for 10 mins then it continues. Gotta be rational I told myself. After few deep breathes, I cleared my messy mind with the pictures of you surrounding with girls or girl friends or hot chicks, touching here and there ( skin ships ), admiring your body, having fun, laughters, ( I'm sorry I watched too much dramas but these literally ran thru my mind no joke. ) ( Tears still streaming down like waterfalls. Okay I exaggerate too much but you'll get what I mean ). I accidentally let my selfish side control over my mind, not thinking rationally, self-centered again. For that 30 mins. ( Or more ) I realized this action of mine is childish and immature. 

 

Thus .. 

Angel : You gotta learn to let go, let him be, be happy have fun, as long as you trust him, everything will be fine. 

Devil : What if something bad happened ?  Anything can happen at any time. You won't know if he never tells. *smirk*

( Devil is the bitch that likes to create dramas. ) 

Haha. This short conversation literally happened tho. No joke. I bet every girls or guys will definitely had this conversation before. I confirm. But I always trust my partner. I never doubt at him before :) I know he loves me. He knows I love him as well. Haha it's just that the devil inside me is trying to kill me. Serious if I overthink about him I will die. No joke. ( x 3 ) Die from dehydration and heart attack. Due to cry too much and heart is fragile. Luckily I'm a rational bitch. I think fast and clear at that moment. I save my own ass. Lol. I also know that if I keep acting like this ( the whole drama thingy ) he might stop informing me his activities. Cannot let that happen. No. 

I'm thinking rationally right now but why the hell my heart ache like it's gonna burst inside ? Even my whole body can feel the pain. Struggle much ? Joaan stop. Why don't you stop thinking and go sleep ? You fucking tired already that half closed eyes are damn ugly. ( literally how I look right now )

Learn to love properly Joaan. Before you regret didn't do it when you have the chances. Learn. There must be a giver and a receiver in a relationship. Now it's your turn to be the giver. Be generous. 

Goodnight folks. Till the next post x